There are lots of things I will never understand. One of them is why people choose to stay with a spouse/mate that physically abuses and psychologically berates them. It’s obviously a problem that is not new; it’s been going on for centuries. It’s also a problem that transcends all barriers: race, age, income bracket, gender, religion, etc.
I was reminded of this after seeing a movie the other night, N-Secure, a roller-coaster thriller starring Essence Atkins, Cordell Moore, Tempsett Bledsoe, Lamman Rucker, and some other fine actors. The character played by Cordell Moore was a very insecure man who manifested his self-doubt through aggressive attacks against the women he dated. One of the women explained how she thought he had a glimmer of tenderness and compassion beneath his evil exterior and that she felt she could change him. I wonder how many people in life really believe they can change the people who beat them. Before I continue, here’s the brief trailer. Look for it Netflix:
I’m not here to lay in judgment on these folks, as I know we all have our own cross to bear and people do things for reasons that nobody else can see or understand. But it just seems to me that there must be more to life than succumbing to such horrible treatment. Maybe people really do think they can change that person. Maybe they also believe they can’t find anybody better who would want them? Maybe they feel trapped due to financial reasons. Who knows? Perhaps there are many other reasons too. I’ve always believed it’s better to be single than to be with someone who causes you pain and agony.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, about 1.3 million people annually are victims of a physical assault by an intimate partner. That’s just the ones that we know about. Many assaults never get reported. Along those lines, the numbers are higher for women than they are for men, but we also know that in some domestic situations, the women are the aggressors and are the ones who launch physical assaults on their intimate partners and male victim are usually not likely to report it due to the stigma associated with a male abuse victim. The Bureau of Justice Assistance, the research arm of the US Department of Justice reports that approximately 30% of homicides are committed by domestic partners. That’s astonishing. Well, I think it’s disgusting really. We expect love and respect and kindness and empathy from those in our households. Being the victim of abuse is not a part of that.
I won’t focus on being a PSA, but people in this situation need to get help ASAP before it’s too late. If you know someone is in that situation, here’s information that could help them. I’m not suggesting you get involved directly, as that could endanger your own life. But sharing information on remedies could save their life. They need to take their own steps to solve it. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a great start. We all deserve better.