Please watch the short clip up there. It illustrates precisely what this post is all about. Nip it in the bud.
It really IS okay to put people out of your life and never deal with them if they erode your sanity and take away your peace. I look at the many people I know who maintain unhappy and unhealthy relationships with siblings, grown children, so-called friends, and mates. I was reminded of this the other evening while watching the movie, Madea’s Family Reunion. Blair Underwood’s character, Carlos Armstrong, routinely beat and berated his wife. It was a pitiful sight.
Then there are those who have family members or friends who hurt them and deceive them. Then they complain about it to anyone who will listen but they still continue to foster those relationships. Why do they keep these knuckleheads in their life? Get rid of them is what I think people ought to do. And please don’t say it’s easier said than done. People always respond that way when they ask me how to deal with it and I tell them to cut folks from their life. You have to take care of yourself, be your own advocate. Like Barney Fife often said, “nip it in the bud” and stop those folk from treating you that way.
Then I reflected back to when I was in college and thought of Maria. She and I worked at Ames — formerly Zayre — a company whose parent company was TJX Companies incidentally, the same company that owns Marshall’s and TJ Maxx. Maria met this guy in a club one night and hit it off immediately. She was so excited to tell me about him. She met him over the weekend and by the middle of the next week, she called the guy her boyfriend. It seemed to be an instant love connection. Less than two weeks later, they were watching television in her living room when he physically beat her over a dispute about what channel to watch. He hit her so hard that she flew into a table and almost poked her left eye out. The force of her body actually broke the table. It was oak wood. So, you can imagine that she had to have hit that table pretty hard, if you know anything about wood types. The flesh adjacent to her eye was badly scarred. She was black and blue for a couple of weeks. In spite of it all, she loved him. Boy did it surprise me to learn that a few months later, she was getting married to him, and six years later she was trying to figure out how to get out of that marriage that, by that time, she brought children into the situation. I just don’t understand how that works.
Maria obviously knew what that man was about. He showed her he was a wife beater less than two weeks after they met. But she stayed with him and married him anyway. “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” As Maya Angelou said. But I’m sure that other things may have been going on there for her to marry someone who beat her over something as trivial as what to watch on television. Even if they argued over something substantive, beating her was despicable. I don’t know where they are or if they’re even still together. I lost contact with her. I hope she eventually realized he was no good for her. This is what people mean when they say that sometimes it’s better to be alone than to be unhappy and unsafe in your relationships. You can be alone without being lonely. Just get out. I know someone will say that it’s easier said than done. But the only reason things are easier said than done is when you don’t do them often enough.
I have addressed this topic before and I think I’ll always find it important. I hate seeing people in distress when they have an option to be happy. Everyone needs to practice ejecting poisonous people from their lives. Once you’ve done it a couple of times, you’ll be elated at how easy it is to do. You will find that it’s really not easier said than done. Go ahead and nip it in the bud.