Yesterday, I was trying to offer inspiration and encouragement to someone who was feeling a bit jaded with love, romance, and dating. I don’t know why people think I’m a love expert. But people talk to me about such things fairly often, so I try to be supportive. I get that it’s not a cakewalk; finding love certainly can be a challenge. Here’s what I told that individual.
Finding your true love really is a lot like the lottery. Person A might play a number or set of numbers and hit it her first try, finding someone with whom to spend a life filled with romantic bliss she found instantly. Person B might play a dozen or so times before he hits it big. Still Person C might keep trying over and over and over again throughout her life – encountering one dud after another – and still have yet to win, but she keeps on playing.
Love is just like that. Whether you are Person A, B, or C, always approach each new romantic adventure like it’s your first time, keeping an open mind and heart. When you meet new people, they’ll likely feel that emotional agony you’re dragging around (that’s what people sometimes call baggage) and the potential suitor could be pushed away. Don’t let the pain and heartache you’ve felt get in the way.
What’s that? I think someone just said, “That’s easier said than done.” Is that what I’m hearing you say? Well, yeah. Like I said at the outset of this posting, I recognize it’s not a cakewalk. I’ll admit it’s not easy if you have faced one disappointment after another, over and over again. Think about the lyrics to that Deborah Cox song (Nobody Supposed to Be Here), “I’ve spent all my life, on a search to find the love who’ll stay for eternity, the heaven-sent to fulfill my needs; but when I turned around, again love has knocked me down, my heart got broken, oh it hurt so bad.” That’s reality for many. That really does make it hard to get back up and try again. But then if you keep moving forward letting the past bounce off of you like water off a duck’s back, then before you know it, as the song continues, “My heart says no no, nobody’s supposed to be here, but you came along and changed my mind.” Reminds me of what my dear departed Aunt Helen used to say: “If at first you don’t succeed, keep on succ-ing till you do succeed.” She hit that on the head. You have to get back up and try again.
That’s how it works. Love is a numbers game. Like the lottery, you have to keep playing to win. No, I’m not trying to imply your odds of winning in love are like they are with the lottery. No, I’m not saying that at all; your odds of winning in love really are much better. Furthermore, I have found if you meet people and you have mutual interests and become engaged in a variety of meaningful activities (meaningful = the types of things you do without taking off your clothes .. things you both enjoy, things that make you both smile only because you’re doing them together), then you increase your chances of making a connection. The superficial things you once might have thought were deal breakers may suddenly no longer matter. People aren’t afraid of losing when playing the lottery, even after losing over and over and over again. But for some reason, they get scared to keep trying with love – and the odds of getting a winner are far greater with love than they are with the lottery. You feel me?
You have to get up and get out there. You have to let them know you exist. There’s someone out there for everyone. But they won’t always come knocking on your door. The more you get out and accept potential people in your circle, the closer you’ll be to making a perfect match. Sooner or later, you might be singing this song too.