~~ all that glitters ‘aint gold, and sometimes you’ll find a diamond when you clean off that dirty stone ~~
I’m one of those people who try to see the best in and want the most for and from everybody. The most evil, wretched, and thoughtless people have redeeming qualities. This thinking was solidified for me after reading Tupac Shakur’s book of poetry, The Rose that Grew from Concrete. There are many among us who shine brightly, born out of the storm they lived in for so many years, sometimes decades. So, even when there are reasons not to keep believing in someone, and even when everyone else has washed their hands of them and given up on them, I still go just a little while longer just in case their breakthrough is about to happen. I’m also no fool. I too have a breaking point, and once I’m done, I’m done. When I give up on someone, there’s no turning back. I figure, I give far more than I probably ought to. I’ll keep trying to be there while nobody else is there, so I feel justified in being done forever once I have finally given up trying. After the love, adoration, fondness, and appreciation have all gone, see ya; goodbye; outie; hasta la vista; arrivederci; peace out; and if it were still a thing to say, bye Felicia — or as my departed Auntie Helen would have said, “Don’t let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya.”
Something recently happened that is a perfect illustration of how I got this way. This individual called me and we chatted a bit this past Saturday afternoon. ‘Sam’ and I talked for a while about this and that when he eventually told me the main reason he had called. He invited me to go with him to a show a friend of his had produced. He said he would get the tickets if I was interested. I really wasn’t interested, because Sam can be so disappointing and is usually not very reliable. He has proven this to me over and over and over again. But I told him I’d go. Unfortunately, when I asked, he didn’t know the name of the show. He also couldn’t remember the date of the show, but said he would text me the flyer the next day. I thought it was kind of odd to invite someone to an event but not know the name or date of that event. In my head, I said, “How in the hell do you call and invite me to go someplace but you don’t know the date and you don’t even know the name of the doggone show?” That’s ludicrous. But whatever. I paid it no more attention and just waited till the next day.
Well, Sunday came and went, but I didn’t hear from him. Monday came and went, but I didn’t hear from him. It is now Saturday, a week later, and I still have yet to hear from him. Okay, I know what some of you may be thinking. I could have called him, right? Well listen. I know who I’m dealing with. I expect very little from Sam, because that’s about all I ever get from him: very little. I often get a lot less than that from him, but I want to give him the benefit of any doubt.
The thing is, Sam knows that although I’m a big homebody, I also am quick to make plans and I’ll be gone out of town or gone to various things around the region for fun and entertainment. I’m going to a show on 31 March. I’m going to another show on 7 April. I’m also going to another one on April 21st. To top off the month, I have plans on April 28th too. I also have plans on May 5th and May 26th. If something else catches my eye, I’ll be jumping on that too. I don’t know when Sam had in mind for us to hang out. But I know him well enough to know not to sit around waiting for him. I also know him well enough not to have high expectations, so I no longer get mad or upset about it.
The only thing that bothers me about it is that Sam isn’t self-aware enough to recognize that he’s the reason why I never expect much from him; in fact, Sam gets mad that people think so little of him, yet he never engages in any acts of self-discovery. Everything is always the problem, fault, and responsibility of everybody else. Oh well, that’s Sam for you.
Most people in life have a Sam they have to deal with sometimes. But I’ll tell you this. I don’t let my Sam hold me back. He’ll be calling soon with some excuse, and I’ll sit there rolling my eyes around, staring off into oblivion – or as he has also done, he may call to say hello as if nothing ever happened. He’s likely to not even bring it up. That’s how Sam can be. And this, my friends, is why, when it comes to Sam, I don’t give a damn.